Poet Penticton
Penticton, BC

Gus Angus's Humorous Side

Gus Angus Bio

Brought up in England duting the War years WW2, he had a very varied and mixed schooling all around England, Scotland and Wales in 21 different schools finishing up at Manchester University, studying Art and Design.
Joined the RAF for 2 yrs National Service, turned down a commission and stayed for 5 years working on top-secret RADAR systems. Joined the British Film Industry as a Third Assistant Director and also part time with the RNVR (the Wavy Navy) for 3 years and rose to the rank of full Lieutenant as Aide to Commodore Rook, whilst still pursuing his film career.
Became a Writer/Director/Producer in the early Seventies. Moved into the complexity of Holography in the mid Eighties, an occupation he still pursues. As a hobby he has written several short stories, a four book space saga, five film/T.V.screenplays, an autobiography and a non fiction book - none of which he has had published - Yet!
Still keeps an active interest in the entertainments industry. Has been working at the cutting edge (some call it the bleeding edge) of fibre optic displays since 1982 and then together with Holography since 1988. Worked together with his business partner Andrew Laczynski since 1982.
Has developed a range of unique mechanical and creative design skills utilising holographic materials and components. Together the two partners patented their 'Light Processing Apparatus' and created and built the first fibre optic micro signs by miniaturising this technology Gus has lectured to:- Oxford Union, at Oxford University on Industrial Video and special effects as it relates to business and commercial applications.
He Wrote, Produced and Directed over 60; Training, Informational and documentary films and videos, TV Commercials and programmes all as an Independent Producer, Writer and Director. He was media image advisor to both Rt. Hon. Margaret Thatcher and the Rt. Hon. Edward Heath when they were in office.
Currently Gus is semi-retired, putting what is ever needed into their partnership including their latest project "A totally unique, newly designed, holographic tiling system." Ready for launch in March/April 2013.

Gus Angus

Lawyers should never ask a Mississippi grandma a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'
She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you.'
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'
She again replied, 'Why yes, I do I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'
The defense attorney nearly died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send you both to the electric chair.'

Gus Angus

A male patient was lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.
A young student nurse appeared to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse,"' he mumbled from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"
Embarrassed, the young nurse replied, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."
He struggled to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?"
Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcame her embarrassment and pulled back the covers.
She raised his gown, held his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other.
She looked very closely and said, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir. They look fine."
The man slowly pulled off his oxygen mask, smiled at her, and said very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. But now, listen very, very closely: Are - my - test - results - back?”

Gus Angus

At 3 o’clock one morning there was a load knock on his front door
The man sat up in bed and yelled
“Can you come down and give us a push.” came back a voice.
“GO AWAY!!” the man yelled back,
“Oh come on Jack!” said his wife sleepily, “don’t you remember the time when we broke down and that couple…
“Okay, Okay!!” replied the man,
“Can you please comes give us a push?” pleaded the voice from below,
The man got dressed, ran down the stairs and went to the front door. He opened it but the man was nowhere to be seen,
“Do you still want that push?” he shouted and a drunk voice came back
“Yes please! I’m here on the swing!”

Gus Angus

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man.
He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
“Oh my, I am so sorry,” the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.
“Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,” she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast.
They had a wonderful, wonderful time.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed!! Everything had been SO incredible!!!!
“You know,” he said, “you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?”
“No,” she replies. . . . .
“You just happened to catch my eye.”

I remember my mother telling me of and instance when my elder brother was about 4 or 5 and they were standing in a crowded bus, when suddenly a young woman who was standing next to them, turned and slapped the face of the young man next to her then stormed off the bus.
My brother then said "She wasn't a very nice lady, was she mommy?"
"No." replied my mother
He then added, "No she wasn't! She stood on my foot, so I pinched her bottom!!"

- By Gus @ LINKEDIN discussions (Where does true genius come from?)